Help! I Hate My Best Friend’s New Partner—What Should I Do?

I don’t know if I’ve ever liked any of my closest friends’ partners at first. Especially in the initial stages of their relationships, I have a hard time believing that anyone in the world could be good enough for them. My instinct has always been to put my walls up and make the partners I’ve met pass a series of complicated (read: somewhat realistic) tests before they enter my good graces. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don’t. But that leaves me in a sticky situation. What do I do if they don’t pass the tests I’ve put them through to prove they are good enough for my besties? Am I supposed to just hate them but support their relationship anyway?

 

After a dramatic panic, I learned that there are ways to get over this slump, and if those don’t work, we have even more solutions for you so you don’t jeopardize your relationship with your friend or their relationship with their partner.

 

1. Figure out what you don’t like about them

Sometimes, you hate someone because of nothing at all. Maybe their essence is just off when you’re around or you can’t seem to figure out what makes them so special to your very special BFF. You might disagree with their political views. All of these, I hate to say, aren’t viable reasons to hate someone. Yeah, it’s normal to not jive with every single person you meet, but you can easily not click with your friend’s partner and not dislike them for no reason.

On the other hand, there are many reasons it makes sense that you wouldn’t like them from the get-go. Do they always show up late? Do they make you uncomfortable? Do they not respect boundaries? Are they rude to you or your friend? Do they seem like they’re love-bombing or gaslighting your BFF? If you have a valid reason to dislike them, keep reading. But otherwise, try to form a friendship and see where that goes before jumping into hating them.

 

2. Communicate your concerns to your BFF

Your BFF won’t know why you’re acting so weird around them if you don’t tell them why. If you’re at a point where you’re feeling really uncomfortable with the situation, it’s probably time to bring it up one-on-one. 

But make sure that you’re doing this in a delicate way. If roles were reversed, it would be extremely uncomfortable and difficult to find out your new dreamy partner is not-so-dreamy to your best friend. Make sure to remind them that you care about them and are just looking out for their sake, but you trust that they know what they’re doing and trust their judgment. 

 

3. Try to find common ground

The easiest way to get someone on your good side is to find something you can consistently talk about. Perhaps you like the same music and can bond over whoever throws a playlist on the aux. Or you both took a specific class in college that got you jazzed over horror movies. You never know what hobbies or interests you share with someone until you start chatting with them, so when you’re given the opportunity to get to know this new person in your friend group, take it and see where it leads.

 

4. Let it go

You can’t control your friend, and they have to make their own choices about who to date and spend their time with, just as you do. If you’ve done everything you can to get to know them and still don’t like them, it might be time to just let it go and accept that your friend is happy in a new relationship that you just might not agree with.